I want to have your abortion
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
