Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
