I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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