im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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