I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Are we still banned from the library?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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