I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
