Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
