god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
