google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
