Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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