Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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