Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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