here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
