i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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