I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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