I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
