i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
