Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
