Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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