If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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