there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
