He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
