I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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