shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
