Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
