When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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