Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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