i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
