it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
