Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
