im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
