Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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