Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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