We're facebook friends in real life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
