I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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