I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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