It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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