gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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