Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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