I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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