This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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