Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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