Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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