There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
