Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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