I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
two words: eviction party
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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