what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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