you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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