i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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