I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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