i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
