I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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